psalm: of desperation

March 22, 2011

merciful God
i’m flat on my back
i can’t summon the strength
to raise my head, let alone
my sword

the shepherd sings:
the waters overwhelm me
they cover my head

i am wounded

i need You to rescue me
from myself
from my enemies
the dogs who surround me
within and without
crimson-toothed and baying

help me to my feet,
strengthen my traitor hands to
hold shield and sword aright,
and let me lean upon you
so i can make my stand.
steady me, Lord, hold me steady
for i am unable to stand on my own.

be the shield that protects me from the firestorm
the strong tower i run into to find safety
the mighty fortress i sang about when
i was seven and such battles seemed so easy
so clean
and faith was something i seemed to have
in abundance
but never tested.

but now o Lord
i am crushed by the enemy
within my own breast
and i am hopeless

i have no one in heaven but You
and there is no Savior other than You

i just want to stand.
(victory seems almost too lofty to hope for now)

just help me stand
so i can cast off the robes of my disgrace
and show myself to be
the man You made
the son You received
of whom You are not ashamed


March 18, 2011

restless heart
hates the body that it’s trapped in
hates the way that people pass it by
their eyes turned away
restless mind
full of dreams it never ventured
full of unfulfilled potential gone to waste
and too many lost days

in the summer i
pray your heart will fly
with the wind riding high across the sea
and when august comes
you will find your home
and with fondness hold your memories of me
and wish me peace

wounded soul
tries to wipe away the tears of
the gone and broken years of regret
full of fractured bones
wounded pride
feeling gunshy and afraid since
the day he opened up and let her know–
she sent him back alone

every winter i
curse the northern sky
when i think of who i used to be
and the wasted years
and the squandered tears
and the pain i gave the ones who carried me
through darker seas

free your love
from the shackles of my humours
i’m full of ancient rumors and reports
always out of sorts
free your hands
clasped so tightly to my fingers
it’s not good for you to linger here
i’ll be fine, my dear

one day i’ll break loose
from the chains i choose
and pursue the joy i’ve yet to see
and in freedom sweet
i’ll be made complete
as i take hold of my promised destiny
a stronger me