the doubt

October 3, 2011

the hardest part of trying again
is the doubt.
you know the doubt well.
the doubt has been with you
longer than most of the friends
you call close.
the doubt hangs around
spoiling your joys and
breathing chilly air on your hope
making your back shudder
and your teeth chatter.

the doubt whispers in your ear
she won’t say yes
she wouldn’t be interested in you
you have nothing a woman like that
would even want.
and if a miracle happens
and she says yes
to coffee, to being official,
to the idea of a joined future
the doubt isn’t dissuaded.
it waits in the shadow
and whispers
you’re going to screw it up.

and sometimes
if you believe the doubt
you do.

but other times
when the doubt starts to whisper
you put on your headphones
lean into the fear
and decide to risk it

because the doubt is a parasite
that lives off your hesitation
feeding like a leech
on the back of your neck
and what kills the doubt
is when you choose to know
rather than wonder if.