[With apologies to Johnny Cash and a half-hearted shrug in the direction of Trent Reznor]

I tore my pants today
My boxers were revealed
Along the center seam
And could not be concealed
I didn’t know at first
It took a while to hear
But once I felt the breeze,
My body froze, in fear

Chorus:
What have I just done?
My softer end
Seems to be exposed
To the world
Once again
And now I’m left to ask
How I’ll survive the scorn
When my coworkers learn
My trousers’ seat is torn…

I wear a look of shame
Upon this swivel-chair
Afraid to move an inch
And elongate the tear
At noontime my team rose
And walked out with a cheer
They all went to lunch
I just stayed right here

What have I just done?
My softer end
Seems to be exposed
To the world
Once again
And now I’m left to ask
How I’ll survive the scorn
When my coworkers learn
My trousers’ seat is torn.

If I could go back to
This morning, when I rose,
I’d choose some newer slacks
Or pack a change…
…Of clothes.

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