seventeen years.

March 25, 2013

when you passed away
i was fifteen
a sophomore
i didn’t know you
i wish i could have

they say she has your smile
and if that’s true, then i know
we would have been fast friends,
because her smile is sunshine
and i delight in its glow

you must have been a great lady
because she is strong and kind
loving and sacrificial
tender and compassionate
and though your absence may
have helped to forge
the steel in her soul and the
strength of her character,
i cannot help but imagine that she
gets her mighty heart from the
few years she had with you

i never got to meet you
(i look forward to introducing myself
beyond distant shores) but by
making her who she is
you have helped to bless my life
beyond measure, beyond words


March 19, 2013

[post redacted. a little too much, a little too soon, but someday, i may repost it.]

i want to burn my notebooks,
delete all my blogs, vaporize the electrons
that record my emotional rages and sulkings,
the feigned affections, the stirred-up emotions,
everything else i’ve felt about anyone else–
burn it all, burn it all down
because i never felt before what i feel now,
never understood before what now is so clear.
i want to reread all of my favorite poems, all
the beautiful stories, all of the dramatic speeches,
for now I find for the first time I actually speak
the language, and can grasp what before I suppose
i merely pretended to comprehend.

i am foolish and prone to overstatement.
but i do not think i can overstate this:
i am undone by the thought of her,
and this both exhilirates and terrifies me.