Monday Double-Post: “hard for me” / “(un)belief”

April 29, 2013

“hard for me”

in the midst of my laments and pleas of
deliverance from snarling lions,
You remind me that these foes
surrounding me are the ones i am to serve
with waist-tied towel and washbasin.
this is hard for me to remember.

in the throes of defensiveness and self-pity
You rebuke gently, reminding me that
i don’t always walk the path of the righteous,
and though there is grace, there are
also consequences, because i am Your son,
and those You love, You discipline.
this is hard for me to recognize.

in the cold shadow of approaching despair,
as i sigh and limp and fret over
every foolish, thoughtless error,
Your hand grasps my shoulder and
straightens my slumped back, making me
walk upright. Your hand remains,
steadying me with gentleness and strength.
this is hard for me to receive.

=====

“(un)belief”

in this moment
my eyes are fastened on the ground
clouding with tears

my heart is heavy
full to brimming with the shame of
such a sloppy life, lived shabbily
in the face of such
unspeakable kindnesses

i shudder at the nearness of You

i deserve nothing but
Your reproach for such a
sorry, half-hearted accounting

You step forward and i wince.
Your arms wrap around me and
You pull me into the warm folds of
Your shining robes

a sob escapes my constricted throat as
i hear Your whisper, ringing like
thunder in my chest:

“YOU ARE WASHED
YOU ARE SANCTIFIED
YOU ARE JUSTIFIED
IN THE NAME OF THE LORD JESUS CHRIST
AND BY THE SPIRIT OF GOD”

i believe
i believe, my Lord and my God
i believe

help my unbelief

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